When a parent travels for work, often the most challenging part of the trip is coming back. If you take business trips, here are seven suggestions on how to rejoin your family with a little less friction.
Olivier Basdevant, 51, travels frequently as senior economist at the International Monetary Fund, but tries to do it in a way that’s considerate of his husband, Alex Kaplan, 39, legal counsel at the World Bank, who takes care of their 4-year-old daughter in Washington. “When it comes to scheduling travel, it’s about making sure that the comings and goings preserve weekend time,” Mr. Kaplan said. “Don’t leave on a Friday night if you don’t have to. Don’t return on a Sunday evening if you don’t have to.”
Also consider whether your arrival will be welcome or disruptive. Emily Bryson York, 41, of Evanston, Ill., takes several international weeklong trips per year for her corporate communications job, so her husband, Aris Georgiadis, 49, often takes care of their children, 6 and 4. They learned that the chaos and excitement that ensued when Ms. York arrived home during the schoolnight bedtime routine was best avoided. Sometimes Mr. Georgiadis texts her to stay downstairs when she gets home.
Kit Jenkins, 31, has three girls, ages 6 months to 8 years old. Her Army spouse is stationed in Kaiserslautern, Germany. He has been deployed three times since their first daughter was born — the first occurring 10 days after her birth. For Ms. Jenkins, the trope of the big military homecoming is unrealistic and impractical, especially when it meant standing outside in the February cold with her small children waiting for her husband’s delayed bus to show up. Now, she has decided not to take their daughters when she drops her husband off or tell them when he’s expected to return.
After six years staying with their daughter at home in Carmel, Calif., while her husband traveled to a job three hours away, Nicole Madfis, 45, switched roles with him and took a job at a biotechnology firm in Wisconsin, coming home to their daughter, now 7, a few days a month. It was hard for Ms. Madfis to watch her husband develop his own method of parenting while she was gone, engaging their daughter in different social activities than she would. “I’d return, and I’d say, ‘Why don’t you do it this way?’” Over time, he simply told her, “I do it this way, Nicole.”
Ms. York said she used to schedule play dates for while she was gone or make extra food before a trip. But she learned that “the nonverbal cue was that I don’t trust you and that I think everything is going to fall apart when you’re gone.”
Laurel Steinberg, a New York-based relationship therapist, says that after a trip, both parents should acknowledge that the other is exhausted. “They both did different types of work, both valuable and crucial for the family’s success.” She says that some venting to a traveling partner is normal, but to avoid undue guilt tripping, particularly before a spouse’s big presentation.
Mr. Kaplan used to email his returning husband a report of exactly what had happened and new routines that had been established with their daughter.
“It made me feel overwhelmed,” Mr. Basdevant said. “I’m coming back from a very stressful and tiring three weeks. It’s not a good period to tell me ‘Do this, do that,’ and bring me bad news.” They have found a balance. “I tend to want to have a lot of say upon return, but something I’ve learned is to stand there with a big smile, a warm hug and kiss ready to set the tone,” Mr. Kaplan said. “It makes a world of difference.”
When Ms. York used to video chat with her family from work trips, the kids would end up either hyped up or melting down. Now they limit chats to morning or dinnertime, avoiding bedtime, and ask the kids about their days.
Ms. Jenkins said talking to a parent in a combat zone could be too upsetting. “There was one time, there was a flash of light and a loud noise and the internet cut out. My daughter was 2 and a half at the time and she knew something was wrong, but she didn’t know what it was.” Then the base went into a communications blackout. “With that one, we learned that it was easier to not have them talk to him as much as I did,” she said.
After you’ve greeted your family, take care of your own laundry and luggage but don’t start a big cleanup until the next day, Dr. Steinberg said.
Be prepared to be the primary caregiver immediately (so answer any final emails or texts before you walk in the door). Alexandra Berger, 50, is a Brooklyn filmmaker whose husband, also a filmmaker, travels a lot while she is home with their 9-year-old triplets. When he returns from a shoot, “I am off duty,” she said. While he used to complain about coming home to a messy house, now he’s part of the solution, taking care of laundry, the children’s transportation, classes, homework, feeding and bathing while she catches up on sleep. “That’s how he helps make it up to me when he gets home.”
Ms. Berger, who does not drive, does not enjoy the hero’s welcome her husband receives when he returns and starts giving their children rides to school (when he’s gone, she takes them on the subway). “He gets this godlike status and I get blamed for everything that’s wrong,” she said. “I just accept that somebody has to be the one who’s there all the time, but it sucks.”
Mr. Kaplan said it helps to acknowledge the adjustment. “The realization that the trip isn’t over when he walks in the door, that you do have to get used to that body in your space again — just having that awareness makes you better at coping.”
Ms. Jenkins cautions military spouses in particular not to buy into the idea of the idyllic military homecoming. “Social media has a big impact on that. You post the pictures and it’s like, ‘Oh look, they’ve got their dad. Things must be so amazing.’ No, I’m hiding in a closet with a bottle of wine, thanks.”
She advises parents to give their kids “way more grace than you think they deserve” when a spouse returns from travel.
“Not only do they have to adjust to having that parent back in the house, they have to adjust to the new dynamic of how they relate to that parent and how they relate to that spouse. It’s rebuilding.”
【云】【浅】【随】【后】【有】【些】【惊】【异】【地】【望】【着】【银】【熠】【然】。 “【咦】，【小】【银】，【你】【怎】【么】【好】【像】【变】【得】【不】【一】【样】【了】？！” “【嗯】？！【不】【一】【样】？” 【银】【熠】【然】【只】【觉】【一】【愣】。 【自】【己】【有】【变】【得】【不】【一】【样】【吗】？！ 【银】【熠】【然】【抬】【眼】，【望】【着】【眼】【前】【的】【云】【浅】，【倒】【是】【觉】【得】【眼】【前】【的】【云】【浅】，【好】【似】【变】【得】【比】【之】【前】【看】【起】【来】【更】【娇】【小】【了】【些】。 【云】【浅】【仔】【细】【端】【详】【了】【片】【刻】，【转】【眸】【望】【向】【卫】【潇】【逸】。 “【潇】
【太】【阳】【在】【后】【面】，【双】【眸】【里】【不】【会】【有】【反】【光】【点】，【在】【想】【问】【小】【龙】【有】【了】【晕】【眩】【的】【反】【应】，【脸】【色】【也】【开】【始】【变】【红】，【在】【不】【离】【开】，【恐】【怕】【小】【龙】【的】【真】【身】【要】【被】【人】【发】【现】。 【梓】【梓】【匆】【忙】【的】【扶】【着】【小】【龙】【离】【开】，【小】【桃】【说】：“【一】【条】【畜】【生】，【还】【是】【一】【条】【公】【龙】，【闻】【到】【肉】【香】【就】【流】【口】【水】【了】，【还】【被】【馋】【晕】，【这】【要】【被】【传】【回】【妖】【界】，【不】【知】【道】【龙】【族】【要】【怎】【么】【立】【足】。” 【小】【桃】【在】【后】【面】【跟】【着】【一】【边】【在】【嚼】【舌】。 东方心经马报彩图资料【可】【能】【请】【假】【几】【天】，【可】【以】【的】【话】【明】【天】【晚】【上】【尽】【量】【更】【新】，【今】【天】【从】【早】【上】【十】【点】【开】【车】，【开】【到】【晚】【上】【七】【八】【点】，【实】【在】【太】【累】【了】！
【随】【着】【天】【幕】【颜】【色】【的】【变】【换】，【那】【些】【在】【各】【个】【花】【中】【世】【界】【内】【的】【形】【形】**【的】【孩】【子】【们】【不】【由】【得】【抬】【起】【头】，【他】【们】【看】【着】【开】【始】【变】【动】【的】【虚】【空】【和】【天】【幕】，【皆】【是】【瞪】【着】【眼】【睛】，【露】【出】【惊】【恐】【神】【色】。 “【叔】【叔】【他】……【不】【会】【有】【事】【吧】。” “【不】【可】【能】，【叔】【叔】【那】【么】【强】，【这】【些】【外】【来】【者】【肯】【定】【不】【能】【伤】【他】。” 【孩】【子】【们】【如】【此】【议】【论】，【却】【也】【无】【比】【担】【心】。 【距】【那】【些】【外】【来】【者】【和】【叔】【叔】【从】【此】【地】
【客】【栈】【中】，【一】【位】【叫】【孟】【行】【海】【的】【侠】【客】【被】【屋】【外】【轻】【响】【吵】【醒】，【只】【听】【脚】【步】【踏】【地】，【甚】【是】【轻】【盈】。 【来】【者】【就】【是】【冲】【着】【孟】【行】【海】【的】。 【孟】【行】【海】【心】【中】【一】【凛】，【摸】【上】【床】【边】【剑】【柄】。【只】【因】【世】【道】【不】【平】，【强】【兵】【横】【行】，【恶】【盗】【流】【窜】，【他】【出】【门】【在】【外】，【即】【使】【在】【夜】【间】【也】【睡】【不】【安】【稳】。 【毕】【竟】【他】【要】【去】【梦】【海】，【找】【此】【生】【最】【爱】【的】【女】【人】，【这】【旅】【途】【前】【易】【后】【难】，【而】【孟】【行】【海】【只】【是】【个】【凡】【人】，【并】【非】【觉】